Once upon a time, there was a very happy kiln. It was full of pretty things, big things, tiny things, some things that broke but were beautiful anyhow and a ninja.
BUT, hiding in the kiln was a witch. Everyone said she was really mean and her cat familiar was mean too.
So when Little Red heard that the witch was planning to eat her, she talked to the wizards and said "OMG SHE'S GOING TO COOK ME IN A GINGERBREAD PIE!!!!!11!!!!"
The wizards had more important things to talk about, but eventually they decided to approach the witch and tell her to stop scaring children.
"So, my dear lady, stop scaring the children." One of them said after flourishing his staff, because wizards are oh so proud of their staves.
"I am not your dear lady." Esmerelda said, "and if you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone!"
"Woah ho! She shows her evil side!" Said the other wizard, who not to be outdone, also showed off his staff by stamping it on the ground. "Begone foul witch!"
"No? You're supposed to flee from my righteous magic." The wizard looked confused a moment and then raised up his arms, "BEGONE AGENT OF SATAN."
"I am not an agent of Satan. I'm not an agent." The witch rolled her eyes. "Will you go away?"
"Uh...." The wizards shuffled their feet, unsure what to do next. "Okay. Can we tell the poor little girl that we vanquished you?"
"Absolutely not." She scowled at them, "Out."
"We showed her!"
"Right on, she'll behave from now on! Hurrah!"
Meanwhile, in another part of the enchanted forest, Mrs. Death woke up to find that Mr. Death was gone. She looked under the earth and then looked outside to see if maybe he was polishing his bones in the sunshine, but no luck. She went back inside with a sigh, wondering if he was with that floozy vampiress he had been oggling. Just then, a bony rap on the door, so she opened it up and there he was with a single rose.
"Happy Valentine's day!"
"Oh, you sweet thing!" She gave him a passionate, but rather lipless kiss.
So the peaceful land of the kiln carried on, with many stories within its bounds.